Tuesday, July 23, 2024

3 Phrases to Tell Yourself when You Have Bone-Crippling Anxiety

 Leggo my eggo

Who wants to eat an eggo waffle?  Not me. There’s so many better frozen waffle varieties nowadays. Like those Kodiak ones. Those are fucking delicious. They have pearled sugar and cinnamon waffles. Don't believe me, check your local grocery store.  So the next time your ego is selling you on some outdated bullshit, like “ooooh I'm stuck to this emotionally draining situation”, you reply back to your ego by saying “bitch, I'm done processing your cardboard square beliefs. I don’t believe you anymore because I moved on to bears.


Stop thinking about it

The most important part about this is ditty sung to the tune of the mario sliding down the pole at the end of a level in the super mario bros. So it’s stop thinking about itttt, stop thinking about it, stop thiiiiiinkiiiiiinggg about ittttttttt. Jazz hands.

Was that exchange so weird that you forgot why you were anxious?  THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!


Leave this play, you have played enough 

This is half of a quote that I remember from this philosopher named Rumi.  Cool dude, modern dude living in the Middle Ages.  But his thinking transcends times, even thousands of years later DJ Khaled told us when we played ourselves. But the key to success is not watering the plants that are your anxiety; it's weeding those stupid feelings like "I'm not interesting" or "I'm not smart" or my favorite "I don't fit today's unrealistic beauty standards that change as much as the deciding CEO's numbers in his bank account.  Dumb bitch.  So be yourself to fuck over patriarchy.

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