HALF BAKED IDEAS - LIGHTING UP MY STRANGE THOUGHTS
CAT THOUGHTS
I wonder if the cat wouldn't like me if she knew I could read. Wait hold up what if the cat could read? Nah she's too stupid. All I know is she's so cute and that her stuffed animal name would be Kitty Purrs Alot. Or if she got sick of her cutesy image and wanted to be in an edgy metal hair band she could keep her name. Her first single on her album could be "Scrunge This Way".
Do the network
I came up with this song and dance called "do the network". The purpose of the dance is to get you amped up so that you can go talk to a shit ton of strangers that have to like you. This works great at conferences.
All you do is say "do the network" and then punch your arm out. If you are feeling feisty you can do arm punchie and kick too. I get a lot of happiness from punching out, and it's embodying what you are doing. You are seed bitch, you gotta branch out and grow.
He’s not a slut, the real slut is right here
Someone made these accusations toward my character. My response was "I’m not practicing right now"
Invitation is a puzzle
When I become a famous comedienne, I want to have a show but its like all greedy treasure seekers and I give them all these impossible puzzles to try to figure out. And like the invitation to it is this weird crazy puzzle they gotta decode but then at the end of if they find themselves sitting across from me laughing in their face in a Downers Grove Wendy's.
Next time on this blog, I'm going to give you hints on how to WAKE UP
