All you have to do is have one big press conference with all of your best friends so no one heckles you. Shit you can hire me if you want, I only heckle when I see people exhibit negative insecurity patterns. No one is going to hate you for owning up to shit here, my friend.
So then you come in like your birthday suit or something. And it's like a Catholic Confession...for the public. Shit you might even do a crazy stunt at press conference to solidify how cool you are.
Anyway, you tell everyone all the bad shit you did in the past and don't do it anymore because you've grown as an individual. Or you prove to us by fake apologizing or half apologizing so I know now to not vote for you. Tomato, toe-mato.
Either way, then everyone can make their decisions so then I don't have to watch these ridiculous attack ads in the news. If you are running for public office, then we should know what we are signing up for Dan Strassuermann.
Wow I'm so good with coming up with fake elected politician names.
There is a TV show called Jojo's Bizarre Adventure that features an archetypal devil Dios and hero Jojo fighting each other, but the twist is that they are fake brothers. There's some fake British drama about this guy tricking this old rich dude that shady guy saved the rich dude's life, but he really didn't. Then he dies and his son comes to claim his fake inheritance, yawn, I know. Classic case of I deserve this because someone told me once vs. I actually deserve this.
And all Jojo says is "DIO!" in this fake old timey British accent.
ALL LIKE GOKU AND VEGETA. Because Goku - Jojo and Vegeta - Dio. Damn I just need to find a tv show I like and then template it into my own cool version.
Like Dragonball Z fan fiction in a world dedicated to knitting. Imagine if I add true crime into that mix.
Wow that's a zesty meat-a-ball. And before any of you can get pissed, I'm Italian, so take that biscotti full of hatred and dip it into any coffee of your choice. You will be pleasantly surprised when you take a bite of that biscotti, you are welcome. *insert anime girl wink*
Basically the person has to repeat everything they said and did when I yell instant replay. But it only works back the last word I just uttered.
So if we were having ourselves a little conversation over here:
You: Dragon Ball Z and Jojo's Bizarre Adventure are totally different.
Me: Can you please pass me the pipe that you smoke so I can be on the level that you are to think these two shoes are completely different.
You: Jojo is clearly a religious symbol for a hero, not a creator.
Me: Do you think Nike and Adidas would ever do a collab where one shoe was Adidas and the other shoe was Nike, but they just loved each so much that they had to match.
You: *suddenly possessed by KFC man* Well I do de-claaiire, that this here girl-y, has some sort of...mind terror...that causes her to compaiire two quality tennis loafer brands in an ath-letic lovers embrace.
Me: INSTANT REPLAY!
You: *stuck saying the same thing again but midway see me escape with your family bag of peanut butter m&m's*
See, it's a great profit margin by selling people's stuff I steal while they are stuck in longwinded conversations. Imagine if I can get a billionaire to talk about themselves for like 30 whole minutes without stopping, I'd deposit so much money into my bank account.
I love when I come up with some great tactics. The word tactic reminds of me of a castle, that I'm probably going to buy with the profits I get from flipping people's stuff during instant replays. I'm just a modern day mobile pawn shop. Pawn shops need some disrupters in their industry, so I'm going to create a modern day bar brawl in the pawning religion.
I think you probably need a nap after drinking the above literary poison that's mixed with fruity hints of passion and my naive idealism of how rational human society should exist.
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