Donald Trump Fan Fiction

Today I was going through my bag of tricks

My fingers stumbled upon a crumbled up shamble of a note saying

"Die Hard, but in a haunted house"

I threw that idea back in there

that's a Saturday gig

So I shove my hand back in and I feel something slimy

And I'm like fuck what the hell leaked in here

So I pull the gelatinous goo out of my bag

And then it was sitting there

All in it's naked glory

DONALD TRUMP FAN FICTION.

Is this a thing?  Like for real, is this a thing?  I kinda want to look it up but then I'm scared.

If I had to place myself in the shoes of a sweaty Donald Trump fan fiction writer, I'd go find an air-conditioned safe space to express my feelings.  Then knowing humans and our obsessions with heroes and villains, I would write some shitty David and Goliath-esque smut that's full of cherry-picked religious allegories.  And all of that symbolism will perpetuate the systemic racist beliefs of christian evagelincals.  Can you evalegneicals find an easier way to spell your name?  Do you know HOW annoying it is to have to always incorrectly type evangelical...

oh shit I got it right this time!  

I want know who Cult-45's fanbase ships him with, for real.  Him and Melania are eh together, but I don't really see too many chemical reactions going on there.  It's probably because Melania is squinting so hard that she can't see Donald.  Which girl, I get it, I would squinting like that all the time if I was married to your husband, cause I'd be trying to gaussian blur his existence out of my sight.

Personally I'd like to ship him with USPS.  But I'd send him to a deserted island with enough supplies to last for roughly four weeks.  But little does he know that there's a camera crew watching his every move.  *insert dramatic music and slow motion clip show of Donald doing ordinary things on the island, like struggling to pick up a stick from the ground and trying to sit down but almost falling over*

Returns Thursdays, this fall on NBC.

Shit I would write the shit out of that novel.  All it would be doing is writing an old senile grandpa character doing weird shit, living 20 years in the past, then being bitter about it not being the good old days.  Then karma aka time kicks him in the ass.  Then he has to learn some life lesson, bada boom, bada bing, add a lovable animal character like Ronald Reagan's ghost riding a velociraptor.  Each episode has a 5 minute segment of him telling us why "He's the Best".  And at the end of the series Ronald Reagan's ghost and Donald escape the island.  But before they escape, they look at each other and say "Together we take down crooked Hilary".

So then it keeps available for me to write a sequel series that might include some other Presidents.  I'm thinking about signing Andrew Jackson with a brief cameo by Rutherford B. Hayes.

Love,

Courtney