Welcome to the Jungle

 I just found this web page again and got logged in.  Isn't that magical?  Just logging into a page and having a blank canvas to write whatever fucking bullshit that comes out of my mind.

So on this segment of the Courtney show, let's talk about this meeting I'm supposed to be listening to.  How does someone expect for a girl of my alacrity sit in a chair for TWO WHOLE HOURS without a break.  And my priformis muscle decided to not pay it's rent this month so now my whole hip hurts.  How the fuck am I supposed to twerk on some papis at the club this weekend?

But for real.  Synergy.  Consistent professional approved responses for bullshit and big words that I understand but for some reason other don't.

I wish I could have my own company where I tell everything real to everyone.  So when someone buys my services, I'd be like listen I'm going to give it to you straight but ok wait I have to actually pay attention to these people talking one minute.

okay whew I'm back

jesus that took so long that I got distracted and ending up taking a package to postage office but then realized it was for usps instead of ups. When am I going to find time to take that package back to UPS?  

In other breaking news, the cat is catting, per usual.  She's all like hey human stop trying to human me, and I'm like come on pookie, I don't tell you how to be a cat.

How does one become a cat?  I feel like it's a lot of like chilling and killing.  Like you look at Pookie and she's like meow my cuteness is making you want to pet my fluffy head but you know secretly inside she's plotting on if I die which finger she'd gnaw off first.

My guess if that cat ate me, she'd probably go for my right pointy finger because I point at her all the time and she's like meow, don't point your elementary ass claws toward my vicinity.

I told you she's a real bitch.  She's staring at me right now from under the bed.  On her back.  Her little beady cat eyes watching my every keystroke.  Man she's such a creeper.

I wondering if she's waiting to steal all of my comedy and story ideas so when she dies she can use them in the next dimension and she's like meow i'm a cabinet full of tricks!  But would she be a cat in this new dimension?  What if she wanted to be a platypus?  A cybernetic intergalactic multi-functional platypus with a copy of the soundtrack from the bodyguard.  I feel like that's a great improvement from her earth dimensional life because now she can listen to the best selling soundtrack of all time whenever she wants.  So  she can be like I have nothing, nothing, nothingggggg until you give me your shoeeesssss.  She's still a dick in this dimension and steals shit from people. 

I just put on a Tribe Called Quest song and I feel like i've been transformed into 1990s JRPG on the Super Nintendo.  Like maybe a mix of Earthbound and Secret of Mana.  Have any of yous played a game called Terranigma?  That's a good one that they need to remake on the switch.  Except I don't have enough money to like make them make it.  I dunno, I feel like I need at least 10 million to throw at them.  I mean I have 10 million cells or hairs I could sell you.  I could also interest you in my surrogacy offer: includes 130 IQ, Balkan ancestry, booty booty booty booty rocking everywhere.  If that doesn't work, I also offer cloud consulting services.